Muslims aside, everyone loves alcohol, that little social drug, the solution to all life's problems. Even now as I type this article I am sipping on a bottle of mouth numbing supermarket own brand lager. To me there is nothing better than sitting with my drinking buddies and just having a laugh over a few pints. But who are these annoying kids making all the noise, extending the/my bar queue and generally getting in the way? Why that would be the underage drinkers who appear like mould in every pub that's not strict with drinking laws, namely J. D Wetherspoon's pubs. Easily spotted in their large unisex groups drinking alcopops, making a lot of noise, excited by the thrill of breaking the law, thinking it's "cool" and grown up thing to get drunk. Little do they know that there is nothing cool about getting drunk. Last time I got drunk was a few years ago, I threw up for 2 hours straight, fell asleep in the bath and was ruined for the next 24 hours by a hangover that meant that I couldn't move without feeling the burning wrath of a headache, coupled with the fact that every few hours I had to rush to the bathroom to throw up until all that came out was yellow. Cool? Not in the slightest, but try and tell that to the little brats who ask you to go into shops to buy them alcohol. So where to stop drinking? What is the perfect amount of alcohol to drink? Well it depends on the person, but its generally best to get to a point where you are loud, sociable, happy and say "waaaaaaaaaaaay" to everything, but are still completely in control of your actions. For me this is usually after 4-5 pints, but I know people who are like this after 1. This knowledge comes from legal drinking, sure I may have drunk underage once or twice but I am ashamed of it, drinking should be left to the grown ups while the kids have their pop and crisps nights and fucking enjoy them, fuckers.
The New Anti Booze Ad Campaign coming to a school wall near you soon funded in part by The Observatory.