Maybe the title that I have chosen for my series is slightly arrogant, I was thinking of using ‘things that I don’t like’ until it occurred to me that up here on my God complex, I spit down on the opinions of others. Perhaps that makes me sound like an asshole, but due to the wonderful thing that is freedom of speech, I have the human right to sound like an asshole. Cool huh? Anyway, whenever I get a spare few minutes (because anything I write will take just that long, due to my persistent laziness) I shall go over the things that I believe should have no place in modern society. So what have I selected as the first abomination that plagues this world? Emo.
Throughout the past two or three years, a new movement has risen up through the teenage way of life, that is simply entitled emo. At first I thought that it would just be a new wave of music, that like anything, grunge, punk, rap etc. would have it’s heyday and then pass on as another thing of the past. I was fooled. It seems to have become a way of life for the stereotypical teenager that wants to blame all of their miniscule problems on something else without realizing that in actual fact, it probably all boils down to their lack of ability to open their eyes and realize that everybody has problems.
But first and foremost, it’s the music that bothers me, the generic shriek of twenty-somethings who think that a John Lennon haircut will be enough to make it in the music world. It seems that to be emo every song must have at least seventy nine references to death, one hundred and twenty mentions of a broken heart and countless different ways of crying. Now that spells a music classic, does it not? No… it doesn’t. Maybe it’s just me, as I am so nostalgic to the sound of music before I was born, possibly during my conception and as I was in my mother’s womb that all of this crybaby-rock that circulates today makes me actually question the alternative music scene that I grew to love as a child. It seems that the unquestionable talent of page-esque guitar solos, and the thunderous sound of Lars Ulrich’s drumming is now being phased out of the world in replacement of some nancy-boy ‘my life is shit because mummy and daddy wouldn’t buy me a Playstation 2’ rants that pass off as music. What is the world coming to?
Picture the ‘80s, there was the sound of legends such as Aerosmith, Whitesnake, Metallica, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Bon Jovi etc. that you can picture in your head 100,000 and more people all chanting along to in one big community of fandom, that to me defines the spirit of rock music. Fast forward to 2004, now the general consensus is that a band is selling out if they sell more than 100 records, or play an arena bigger than my kitchen. What has happened to the spirit? What has happened to music? Oh it saddens me, it really does.
But if it had just stopped at that, then maybe I would have been able to overlook it, and block out the sound by spending my life in the corner with headphones taped to my eyes, playing the music that I love. But no. Now you can’t walk anywhere without seeing kids dressed in the same clothes, using the same ridiculous words. If you don’t know what I mean then picture it… three-quarter length jeans, with at least half way down their underwear showing… get over yourselves, you’re not hip-hop. Or the mesh-hats that everybody has to wear, again, you’re not an obese American truck-driver, why do you persist in wanting to be? And to top it all off there are phrases like ‘rad’ or ‘gnarly’ – you do not know how to surf, just because you carry the board or wear the t-shirts, peons.
I know that this rant is most probably very messed up, parts of it may not even make sense, but it’s a personal rule of mine never to read back over anything that I have written, it takes the edge off of it… but alas I’ll draw this to an end, I could have gone on for longer, but as I said somewhere I really am very lazy. As a final note, if the contents of this article have offended any of you, I in no way apologise, remember this important lesson, I am always right.
Until next time, suckers.
Please send any hatemail to firstname.lastname@example.org where I will most probably ignore it.
Ignorance is indeed bliss.